Speak life, not doubt: A reservist’s wife responds to the war of words

When my husband received his third call-up to serve in Miluim (IDF reserves), I already knew I had to prepare myself for the inevitable: the overwhelming wave of support we experienced at the beginning of this war would slowly but steadily fade.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still many faithful and kind-hearted people out there. I want to take a moment to express just how much they mean to us – the wives of reservists – and our families. I don't even have words to fully convey the gratitude I feel toward them. But let’s be honest – their number is slowly decreasing. And I don’t blame them. This war feels never-ending, and we’re all running on a low battery.

Still, I wasn’t prepared for what came next. When I read through some of the messages my husband received after announcing his most recent call-up, my heart skipped a beat. Was it only him? If he received messages like these, surely others did, too. Was I just being too sensitive? Or did others have similar experiences? After talking to friends in the same situation, I realized we weren’t alone.

Some of these messages were along the lines of: “If I were you, I’d put my family first,” “Why don’t you just leave the country?” “You’ve already done enough – you have so many kids. Let others go,” or “You just like the money and the benefits.”

Thankfully, they represent a minority. However, their words still carry a certain weight, which is why I felt the need to write this. I’m convinced that most of these comments come from a place of love and concern. That’s why I want to emphasize that what I’m about to say is not meant in an accusatory way. If I’m pointing a finger, I’m pointing it right back at myself as I, too, belong to the group of people with a faster tongue than brain.

This text is meant as a gentle and loving reminder: we need to choose our words wisely – not fearfully – especially when we don’t have the full picture and it’s easy to jump to conclusions.

Which brings me back to those remarks. No matter how well-intended they may be, to us – especially to our husbands – they can be deeply discouraging. While they may not shake their belief that they’re doing the right thing, they can sow seeds of doubt and guilt. Honestly, we wrestle with these feelings ourselves.

Of course, we want to stay together as a family – what faithful, godly husband wants to leave his wife and children behind? Of course, our husbands put the family first. And yes, of course, work and vacations are important. But is it really up to us? Comments like these make it seem as though our sacrifice is simply a matter of personal choice – as if we’ve chosen “wrong” by answering the call.

But let’s look at the facts: these men are still active reservists, not volunteers. Unless they have a valid, serious reason, there’s no exemption. Imagine if every soldier could decide for themselves whether their call-up was necessary – where would that lead us? To a war no one would show up for. While that might sound like an ideal solution, the terrorist organizations surrounding us don’t exactly share that sentiment. The result would be a dangerous security vacuum.

And what about God’s command to submit to the governing authorities? Did He make a mistake? Did He place incompetent or untrustworthy leaders over us? And is it now our responsibility to “correct” that mistake through insubordination? Of course not. God didn’t make a mistake.

That doesn’t mean every government decision is wise, but it does mean the burden of decision-making doesn’t rest on our shoulders alone. We can’t always choose our leaders, but we can choose how we respond to the responsibilities placed before us.

That’s why I believe the only right response is to trust God – that He will work all things together for our good, even in this seemingly hopeless situation. If we faithfully serve Him, He will ensure that everything falls into place, for both the soldiers in the field and the families waiting for them at home.

I want to take a moment to address another very important topic, even though it is not the main subject here. My husband and I made the decision for him to return to his Miluim service together, in unity. I am not a victim of his choices; I stand behind them. But there are wives and husbands who reach a point where they simply cannot continue like this any longer, and that reality must be taken seriously. Saying “no” to reserve duty can be a valid and even necessary choice in certain situations. It doesn´t mean that they are not willing to do their share or that they trust God less than the rest of us, but it simply means that their circumstances and therefore their choices are different.

The situation is already complex enough as it is. Most reservists don’t serve because they agree with every government decision, but because they feel a responsibility to do what is right. Trust me – they feel the weight of their sacrifice: leaving behind families, jobs, vacations, and more.

When my husband told me about this most recent call-up, it broke me to see his inner struggle. It’s hard to leave a baby behind – especially for the second time in its short life. He knows how hard it is on the older kids to be without their “Abba.” He knows how heavy it is for me to carry everything alone, with no one coming home in the evenings or on weekends to share the burden.

And the fear of losing a job due to his repeated absences? That doesn’t help either.

Having said all this, wouldn't you agree that these men—who faithfully serve God, submit to authority, and contribute to our safety – deserve our encouragement rather than our criticism? They need it now more than ever, as the war drags on and people grow weary—or even hostile.

Let’s speak words of truth into their lives. Let’s remind them of the value of their faithful service. Let’s encourage them that what they’re doing matters, even when they don’t feel it. They often don’t see the impact of their work.

So let’s help them remember that their labor is not in vain – that God is using them, right where He has placed them. And let’s not forget: God has done countless miracles in this war, more than we can count.

But have you ever considered that He may be using these very soldiers to carry them out? If God is the one sending them, then we should be the ones supporting them – practically, emotionally, and spiritually.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)